Pillars of a Marriage

There are many principles that, if practiced, can help you build a solid marital foundation. Here are some of those key principles-

“Commitment” is often not a popular word . Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped.

Commitment means putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met.

Someone once said, “Communication is to love as blood is to the body.” Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies.The kind of communication  talked about isn’t just exchanging information; it’s sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life.

But it’s not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives.

Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it’s often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.

We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world.

The problem is we can’t heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don’t work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience.

When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you’re going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that’s satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don’t have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you’re willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.

We’re more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage.Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It’s the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life.

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Dawn of a New Life

On your joyful wedding day,
You begin a brand new life.
Friends and family give their gifts
To joyful husband, blissful wife.

But the greatest gift you’ll ever get,
A gift from heaven above,
Is love forever, ending never,
Everlasting love.

You’ll share life’s joy and pleasure;
You’ll have plenty of that, it’s true.
But love is the real treasure
For your new spouse and you.

And if life hands you challenges,
As it does to one and all,
Your love will hold you steady
And never let you fall.

Your wedding day is full of joy;
Tomorrow you cannot see.
But one thing’s sure for the two of you:
The best is yet to be.

 

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The Significance that a Marriage Holds..

It is said that marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on earth. The popular belief is true to a great extent as it is a special bond shared between two souls who tie the wedding knot after promising to be companions for a lifetime. It is the physical, mental and spiritual unison of two souls. It brings significant stability and substance to human relationships, which is otherwise incomplete. It plays a crucial role in transferring the culture and civilization from one generation to the other, so that the human race is prospered. The institution of marriage is beneficial to the society as a whole, because it is the foundation of the family, which in turn is the fundamental building block of the society.  Unless this all-important building block is healthy and unified, society itself cannot be healthy and unified. Monogamous marriage stands at the foundation of family life.

While the concept of marriage remains the same across the globe, the way of solemnizing it differs extensively. Different laws have been formulated to legalize the ceremony, which proves to be an important turning point in one’s life. Apart from the laws of marriages, the rituals following during the ceremony are in total contrast to each other. Something that is seen in the western countries cannot be witnessed in other nations in the developing world, primarily due to the contrast in the lifestyle and religious beliefs. One of the prime reasons for the paramount status of marriage is that it is the license for two individuals to live together in a society, without much limitations.

Coming to the subcontinent of India, marriage encompasses a number of meanings, apart from being a legalized way of uniting two people. It bears a lot of social significance. This is primarily because in India, marriage has been considered a way to bring the families of two individuals closer. Since the ancient times, marriages have been celebrated as ceremonious occasions, just like the religious festivals, wherein a number of rituals and customs are followed. A number of ceremonies are observed before, during and after wedding.

The key to successful marriage is love, understanding, mutual respect, trust, commitment and togetherness. While many couples are able to find all the key ingredients in their marital relationships, others find one element or more lacking in their bond. This gives rise to consequences that are not always expected, or desired. This is a reason why a number of couples face adverse consequences, like divorce. One of the visible reasons why married couples find marriage as an intimidating bond is that they face a number of problems, while being in the relationship. Lack of trust, mutual respect, love and understanding contribute to the deterioration of the bond.

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The Lavish Weddings of India

For these folks, if their wedding day(s) weren’t the happiest days of their lives, then something is seriously wrong. If you thought your wedding was astronomical, try these top three of the most extravagant weddings where broadcasting your wedding vows to the world is as important as showing the lining of your wallet.

Lalit and Yogita

The flamboyant wedding of Lalit and Yogita Jaunapuria is worth 250 crore (54 mill). Lalit, is the son of congress MP and businessman, Kanwar Singh Tanwar. Around 15,000 guests and around 1000 staffs were appointed to serve them. 100 different varieties of delicacies, 30 delicious desserts were served for the guests. The present for the wedding guest were; an expensive shawl, safari suit with 2,100 crore cash and a silver coin. The wedding gift given to the groom was Bell 429 helicopter that values more than 29 Crore and a silver model of a private jet. Bollywood star Neha Dhupia did a performance.

Vineeta and Muqit Teja
The U.K based billionaire Pramod Agarwal gave his daughter Vineeta and her fiance Muqit Teja a grand wedding in Italy’s sea side cit y of Venice. Around 800 guests were entertained at the luxurious San Clemente Palace hotel and resort on the private 17-acre San Clemente Island. Wide range vegetarian Italian and Indian food was served. The Italian delicacies were suggested and made by the Italy’s celebrity Michelin star chef, Federico Salza. Indian decor king Sumant Jayakrishnan converted the San Clemente Palace Hotel into an exaggerated Indian wedding spot. Wedding started with a grand party at the 16th century Scuola Grande Della Misericordia. Shakira gave a performance on day two of the wedding and the Italian theatre director Franco Dragone famous for his work “Cirque du Soleil” also put up a show.  The total wedding cost was approximately 130 crore (28 mill).

Kajal Fabiani and Gaurav Assomull
The socialite Kajal Fabiani’s marriage with Gaurav Assomull, the CEO of luxury purveyor Marigold Group, enjoyed their wedding in Monaco. The total cost was 44 crore (9.5 mill). This is most sophisticated wedding witnessed by the Mediterranean principality. The party was held in the Monte Carlo lounge bar. The Mehendi ceremony was at hotel Hermitage, one of the luxurious hotels in Monaco. Assomull led the ‘Baarat’ in a white horse and 2 Indian elephants were brought for good luck. Kajal’s favorite designer, JJ Valaya designed the wedding dress outfit for both of them. The wedding happened at Salle Garnier, the post wedding treat for 600 guests, a cocktail party was at Casino Atrium. The best part of the wedding was the finale concert with the hip hop star Akon.

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Wedding Cake Extravaganza !

When it comes to weddings, everyone likes them to be larger than life. When it is wedding time, we barely like to compromise on anything and want to get the very best. And when it is the wedding cake in question, well, the bigger and yummier it is, the better! Your wedding cake indeed adds up to the wedding extravaganza. Cakes have forever been the center of attraction, in nearly all western wedding celebrations and it has also made its way into the Indian wedding celebrations . Now, who doesn’t love an ornate, three-tier wedding cake? With the cake stealing much limelight in the event, it is only fair you get a cake as luscious also. Treat your guests to a sumptuous serving of your exotic wedding cake and get them talking about it for days to come.A gorgeously decked up wedding cake, which not only looks good, but also tastes heavenly,will ensure that your wedding ends in great style. Here are some exciting flavors to choose from, for your D-day cake.
Think wedding cake, think vanilla! Vanilla cakes make for elegant wedding cakes, with their rich flavor and blissful taste. You can go for vanilla sponge cakes, filled with vanilla syrup and coated with raspberry preserve and vanilla butter cream or the traditional vanilla cake, with generous layers of vanilla syrup, vanilla butter cream filling and vanilla icing. Mango vanilla cake, filled with mango mousseline and butter cream, makes for another excellent choice. To add further zing to your wedding celebration, you can try the vanilla rum torte, sprinkled with spiced rum and layered with rum custard.
If you are another die-hard chocolate fanatic, you can try giving a shot to these chocolate cakes. Rich dark chocolate cake, layered with Belgian chocolate ganache and Bailey’s cream liqueur, promises to leave your guests begging for more. A rich chocolate cake layered with luscious chocolate mousse would make your wedding an irresistibly tempting affair. You can also consider white chocolate mousse cake, black forest cake, chocolate and orange cake and even chocolate hazelnut torte chocolate cake for an unforgettable wedding!
For others, who simply can’t seem to get over the rich taste of coffee, try Tiramisu light sponge cake soaked with espresso coffee and rum and filled with a sweetened mascarpone cream. For Cappuccino lovers, going for Cappuccino torte vanilla chiffon cake would make your wedding cake as memorable as the wedding itself!
If you swear by the fruity flavor, getting raspberries or strawberries and cream cake can tickle your taste buds. Try out the strawberry grand mariner cake that comes with chunks of strawberry and orange liqueur or lemon blackberry cake that boasts of fresh blackberry jam filling and zest of lemon. Peaches and cream vanilla cake with fresh peach mouse and peaches and custard and white chocolate mousse promises to be an exotic delight for your mouth.
For more exotic cake lovers, here’s your pick. Go for swirled marble cake that boasts of vanilla bean syrup and sour cream fudge icing. You can also go for Italian rum cream and fruit cake, which comes loaded with rum syrup, vanilla pastry cream filling and vanilla butter cream icing.

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Change Your Life, Not Your Wife :Book Review

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The premise of “Change Your Life, Not Your Wife: Marriage-Saving Advice for Success-Driven People” is that high-achievers have qualities that make them successful by society’s standards (power, prestige, wealth), but often unsuccessful in maintaining healthy intimate relationships. Although authors Tony Ferretti, PH.D. and Peter J. Weiss, M.D. do address this idea (particularly in Chapter 7), most of the book is applicable to anyone in a relationship, not just the “success-driven.” The writing style is simple and straightforward and many relationship issues are illustrated through the use of fictional couples. One such couple, Steve and Mary, is woven throughout the book. Their story, while a bit stereotypical, provides insights into how marital problems can be rooted in childhood experiences as well as the pressure to make money and acquire material possessions.

 

The authors describe five key characteristics essential to a successful marriage:

  1. Partnership of Equals
  2. Marriage Is a Priority
  3. Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution
  4. Forgiveness
  5. Intimacy

Later in the book these marriage essentials are contrasted with what the authors call “relationship killers.” These are personality issues (e.g. perfectionism and criticizing) that slowly but powerfully undermine the spirit of partnership and intimacy in marriage. Many of the book’s lessons culminate in Chapter 8, “Creating Your Ideal Marriage.” In this chapter Ferretti and Weiss give a detailed description of how couple’s therapy works. This information could be valuable for couples considering counseling who are hesitant because they are unfamiliar or intimidated by the process.

Overall, I found “Change Your Life, Not Your Wife: Marriage-Saving Advice for Success-Driven People” very effective in reinforcing important aspects of marriage. I think the title does the book a disservice by creating the impression that the book was written specifically for hard-driving successful husbands when the principles discussed apply to a broad spectrum of married men and women.

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Bhartiyan Shadian…

Marriages are deemed almost necessary in the Indian society. Arranging a marriage is the responsibility of Indian parents and other relatives of both bride and groom.
Indian Marriage alliances entail some redistribution of wealth as well as building and restructuring social realignments, and, of course, result in the biological reproduction of families. In India there is no greater event in a family than a wedding. In arranging and conducting of marriages, the complex permutations of Indian social systems best display themselves. Some parents begin marriage arrangements on the birth of a child, but most wait until later.
Essentially, India is divided into two large regions with regard to Hindu kinship and marriage practices, the north and the south. Additionally, various ethnic and tribal groups of the central, mountainous north, and eastern regions follow a variety of other practices.
Re-Marriages in India. Rules for the remarriage of widows differ from one group to another. Generally, lower-ranking groups allow widow remarriage, particularly if the woman is relatively young, but the highest-ranking castes discourage or forbid such remarriage. The most strict adherents to the nonremarriage of widows are Brahmans. Almost all groups allow widowers to remarry. Many groups encourage a widower to marry his deceased wife’s younger sister (but never her older sister).
Finding the perfect partner for one’s child can be a difficult task. People use their social networks to locate potential brides and grooms of appropriate social and economic status. Increasingly, urban dwellers use classified matrimonial advertisements in newspapers & searching online matrimonial sites. The advertisements usually announce religion, caste, and educational qualifications, stress female beauty and male (and in the contemporary era, sometimes female) earning capacity, and may hint at dowry size.

Some of the dowries demanded are quite oppressive, amounting to several years’ salary in cash as well as items such as motorcycles, air conditioners, and fancy cars. Among some lower-status groups, large dowries are currently replacing traditional bride-price payments. The dowry is becoming an increasingly onerous burden for the bride’s family. India anti dowry laws exist but are largely ignored, and a bride’s treatment in her marital home is often affected by the value of her dowry. Increasingly frequent are horrible incidents, particularly in urban areas, where a groom’s family makes excessive demands on the bride’s family–even after marriage–and when the demands are not met, murder the bride, typically by setting her clothes on fire in a cooking “accident.” The groom is then free to remarry and collect another sumptuous dowry. The male and female in-laws implicated in these murders have seldom been punished. Dowry deaths resulting from marriages have been the subject of numerous media reports in India and other countries and have mobilized feminist groups to action. Some analysts have related the growth of this phenomenon to the growth of consumerism in Indian society.
After marriage arrangements are completed, a rich panoply of wedding rituals begins. Each religious group, region, and caste has a slightly different set of rites. Generally, all Indian marriages involve as many kin and associates of the bride and groom as possible. The bride’s family usually hosts most of the ceremonies and pays for all the arrangements for large numbers of guests for several days, including accommodation, feasting, decorations, and gifts for the groom’s party. These arrangements are often extremely elaborate and expensive and are intended to enhance the status of the bride’s family. The groom’s party usually hires a band and brings fine gifts for the bride, such as jewelry and clothing, but these are typically far outweighed in value by the presents received from the bride’s side. After the Indian bride and groom are united in sacred rites attended by colorful ceremony, the new bride may be carried away to her in-laws’ home, or, if she is very young, she may remain with her parents until they deem her old enough to depart. A prepubescent bride usually stays in her natal home until puberty, after which a separate consummation ceremony is held to mark her departure for her conjugal home and married life.

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